Bedroom Issues
by MyEpicTurtle
Summary: Uh-oh looks like Bulma and Vegeta have some problems in the bedroom. Come see both of their compiled lists. RnR :


**Authors Note: **God its been ages since I wrote a fic. Lol I'm sorry . So anyways thanks for the nice reviews on my other fics. I'm planning on doing a lot more fics in the near future and would love some good requests from you guys….

So back to the story, lol just a totally random thing I came up with while in maths. Ahh the things you discover in maths, besides maths.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly I don't own any of these DBZ characters. Man that would be freaken awesome if I did.

**Bedroom Issues**

Vegeta was waiting patiently in the garden for his wife, Bulma. Vegeta sighed and looked at his watch. _"Shes late." _He complained as he tapped the table with his fingers. Seconds later he saw her and was amazed at what she was wearing. A white dress was cut off just above her knees, displaying her slim and slender legs. He smiled as he remembered when he accidently ripped a dress very similar to the one she is currently wearing. She looked like an angel. In his eyes white suited her since she was his angel. Vegeta got up to greet her with a kiss.

_"Sorry." _Bulma apologized, Vegeta shook his head.

_"It's ok." _He answered back. The two sat down.

_"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" _She asked as Vegeta, who suddenly pulled out a piece of paper from his pants pocket. He held it in the air showing it to her.

_"You read it." _He said rather shyly which shocked Bulma. She folded her arms and smiled.

_"I think you should read it." _She answered back as for Vegeta, who was no match to fight back, swallowed his fear and opened the folded paper.

_"To my dear wife," _Vegeta started and took as much air as possible.

_"During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. (Does that sound sad to you?) The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:" _

_4 times I had ripped your clothing in the process of undressing you and you kicked me out of bed _

_7 times it was too late _

_49 times you were too tired _

_20 times it was too hot _

_15 times you pretended to be asleep _

_22 times you had a headache _

_17 times you were afraid of waking the baby (Damn that blasted child.) _

_16 times you said you were too sore _

_12 times it was the wrong time of the month _

_19 times you had to get up early _

_9 times you said "weren't in the mood." _

_7 times you were sunburned _

_6 times you were watching Family Guy _

_5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do _

_3 times you said the neighbours would hear us _

_9 times you said your mother would hear us (Damn that bitch.) _

_Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: _

_6 times you just laid there stiff _

_8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling _

_4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with (God must've been the hormones.) _

_7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished (Am I such a dead Fuck?) _

_1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move away (I'm sorry honestly.)_

Vegeta finished and placed the paper down waiting for Bulma's reaction. Bulma giggled which made Vegeta a little confused. He thought she would throw a fit or worse, a divorce. Bulma grabbed Vegeta's hands and gave a little sqeeze. _"I think you have things a little, too, confused Veggie." _She answered sweetly as she, too, pulled out a piece of paper. Vegeta froze he didn't think that it would come to this and was prepared for anything.

_"To my dear husband,"_

_"Here are the reasons why you didn't get more than you did:" _

_5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the poor cat _

_36 times you didn't come home at all (Which makes me think that your cheating.) _

_21 times you didn't cum at all _

_19 times you went soft before you got in _

_33 times you came too soon _

_38 times you trained too late _

_10 times you got cramps in your toes _

_29 times you had to get up early to meditate (yeah right) _

_2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE FUCKING BALLS _

_4 times you got it stuck in your bloody zipper _

_3 times you had a cold and your nose was running _

_2 times you had a splinter in your finger _

_20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day _

_6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book _

_98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, porn and playing video games with Goku_

_Of the times we did get together: _

_The reason I laid still was because you missed completely and were screwing the sheets. _

_I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling? _

_The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe._

Bulma finished and Vegeta was stunned but glad that she had a come back. Vegeta cocked an eyebrow as he wickedly smiled which sent heat waves through Bulma. He grabbed her hand. _"So how about it?" _He asked and Bulma smiled she knew what he meant. The two left leaving the pieces of paper on the table.


End file.
